


Christmas In The Garden

by JasonTandro



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Parody, Presents, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 06:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4511685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasonTandro/pseuds/JasonTandro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The students of Balamb Garden have to find a cheap way to celebrate Christmas.  Secret Santa is selected as a reasonable option.  Naturally, chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas In The Garden

Holidays in Balamb Garden were very different ever since the titanic school became mobile. Before, the faculty and staff were cut off from most of the outside world due the island of Balamb being a tiny hunk of land in the middle of the ocean. Sure students who had family in Balamb town were just a short drive from their family, but most were unable to visit without taking a transcontinental railroad trip. Now the Garden was able to travel across the world through the skies and seas, and could effectively chop the first two days off of that two day and twenty minute journey.

The only people who stayed in the Garden during Christmas now were those who, unfortunately, didn't really have family. There was, coincidentally, an entire squad of orphaned children who happened to inhabit the Garden.

"Another year spending Christmas in the air," Irvine sighed, leaning over the Garden balcony.

"I'll be sticking around too," Zell said.

"Why?" Selphie asked. "We can drop you off in Balamb town."

"My mom is taking a Christmas vacation to Dolllet. I say let her enjoy it."

"I'd rather not spend any more time around my dad either," Rinoa explained. "He's gotten a little bit weird lately."

"Oh, like what?" Zell asked.

"Well let's just say that there are certain activities that a man of his regimented bearing should not be seen doing, and he's been seen doing them quite often."

"Holiday hookers?" Irvine asked.

"He calls them 'stress management consultants'. I'm not sure that job requires a tube top," Rinoa scoffed.

"Can't hurt," Irvine replied.

"So it's just gonna be the six of us?" Quistis asked, ignoring Irvine.

"Nine," came a voice from the door behind them. Seifer, Fujin and Raijin walked towards them. Ever since Seifer had been freed from the control of the Sorceress Ultimecia he had been welcomed back into the Garden, but that didn't make him any less of a jerk. Fujin and Raijin, however, usually kept him in check.

"Oh boy," Zell sighed. "Nine of us stuck together with nowhere to go. That sounds like a lot of fun."

"Quit whining," Squall said.

"Yeah," Rinoa said. "We'll just have to make it fun."

Selphie stood up on her tiptoes and shrieked over everybody. "I have an idea!"

The group turned to the short girl in the yellow dress.

"We can have a secret santa! We'll all put our names in a hat and draw them out one at a time. Whoever you get, you have to buy a present for!" Selphie explained.

"We are near Esthar," Quistis said. "Lots of shopping malls there."

"Yeah, okay. That could be fun," Raijin added.

"Sure," Seifer agreed.

"LIMIT?" Fujin asked.

"Uh, price limit? Let's say no more than 500 gil?" Selphie explained.

"Cool. Hey Seifer, can I borrow 480 gil?" Raijin asked.

=*Christmas In The Garden*=

The names were drawn and each person left the Garden in search of the presents for their recipient. Selphie and Quistis left first after confirming that they didn't get each other. Exiting the Garden's port-side balcony onto the Esthar Airstation, the two chatted eagerly about their pick.

"I got Squall," Quistis said. "I'm thinking about getting him some accessories for his gunblade. He doesn't really have much in the way of hobbies."

"Yeah. I mean there's Triple Triad, but he's had a complete collection for over a year now and won't let me even look at them. He keeps saying 'no, I might need these'," Selphie sighed. "I got Fujin. I've noticed that girl doesn't really dress all that girly, so I'm thinking about getting her something cute."

"Maybe she just likes to dress like that," Quistis said.

"Maybe, but she should open up a bit. I mean she has a great body," Selphie said.

"Yeah she does," Quistis replied distractedly. "Where's the Junk Store around here?"

The glowing city of Esthar was as large as a whole country, with a variety of technological wonders that made life for its inhabitants much easier. Even with that said, the stores were packed given that it was Christmas Eve. Even the Junk Store had a full house of men with a variety of futuristic looking weapons. Quistis and Selphie appeared to be the only women in the shop, which made their hour long wait in line even more annoying. After a fifth consecutive creep decided to get a little too "helpful" Quistis smacked her chain whip against the ground, and that kept the rest of them at bay.

When they finally reached the front, Quistis began ordering a new custom hilt for Squall's gunblade, with a tactical grip and a number of unusual survival options including a compass which seemed a touch unnecessary.

"I've got it!" Selphie said, looking at the far wall with a collection of unusual looking headgear. "I know exactly what I can get Fujin!"

=*Christmas In The Garden*=

Seifer, Raijin and Fujin walked along the city streets, trying to find a mall that wasn't completely overrun.

"I'm about to just muscle my way to the front of one of these lines, damn it," Seifer cursed.

"Now Seifer that's not very Christmas-y of you," Raijin said.

"COAL." Fujin chimed in.

"That's right! You'll get coal in your stocking," Raijin explained.

"I get it! Jeez you guys are worse than my mother," Seifer hissed.

"I though you were an orphan, bro."

Seifer glared back at Raijin. Raijin turned to Fujin confused.

"METAPHOR."

Raijin nodded his head. "So, who you got boss?"

"Zell," Seifer sighed. "I don't know what to get that guy. He's big into working out, maybe I just get him some Combat King mags."

"Heh, or you could get him a different kind of magazine. What about you Fujin?"

"CAN'T."

"Why not?"

"Because she got one of us, idiot," Seifer explained.

"Well it can't be me," Raijin added.

"How do you know?"

"Because I got myself," Raijin said, pulling out the slip of paper with his own name on it.

"DUMBASS." Fujin hissed.

"Well, there goes that mystery. But it's been replaced with an even better one. Why didn't you put your name back in the hat?" Seifer asked.

"We can do that?" Raijin shrugged.

"DUMBASS." Fujin repeated.

=*Christmas In The Garden*=

Zell and Rinoa sat down on one of the benches on the side of the raised crystalline walkways. The sun was already beginning to set and the amber glow of the sun's last light was heralding in a series of twinkling lights from the city.

"So you got Selphie? What are you gonna get her?" Zell asked.

"I don't know. She's big into Laguna. I think I'll just pick up his autobiography in the book store," Rinoa said.

"Which one? The guy's written like 50 of them," Zell replied. "Never known a man to love talking about himself as much in my life."

"I'll get her 500 gil's worth of autobiography then," Rinoa said. "What about you? Looks like you've already finished your shopping."

"Irvine," Zell replied. "It's kind of an inside joke."

"I'm sure," Rinoa nodded, looking at Zell's bag and the barely visible cover page of a Girl Next Door magazine.

=*Christmas In The Garden*=

"So Squall, you got your lady love, that's convenient. At least you know what to get her," Irvine said.

"That's airtight logic," Squall said. "I didn't really know her before the whole Sorceress conflict. I have no idea what to get her."

"She's your girlfriend man, you gotta have some idea," Irvine replied.

"You have no idea how hard it is to shop for somebody who you actually care about the outcome for," Squall replied. "Who'd you get by the way? Don't tell me it's Seifer."

"No, Quistis," Irvine replied. "I noticed she's always using that whip, so I had a few ideas for some gag gifts I could get her."

"Well at least that's something. Good humor, that works. But I'm worried about getting something stupid and upsetting Rinoa," Squall explained.

"Thought you didn't care about anything man?"

"People change," Squall replied. "She has that dog Angelo... maybe I get her something like dog treats."

"Think about what you just said. You want to, for Christmas, buy your girlfriend dog treats."

Squall rubbed his head. "You see this is why I don't do well at this whole concept."

=*Christmas In The Garden*=

The following morning gifts were exchanged. Raijin was the first to open his present to himself, which turned out to simply be a large assortment of various exotic Esthar dishes.

"I got my Christmas dinner!"

"DUMBASS." Fujin reinforced.

Zell was next to get his gift from Seifer. It was a large stack of Guy Next Door Magazines.

"You're a dick," Zell grunted.

"I swear I thought those were Combat Kings," Seifer sneered.

Seifer's gift was a new trenchcoat and gloves from Fujin. Fujin however got her gift from Selphie.

"It's a Hello Bunny eyepatch!" Selphie announced proudly. "It's cute and girly, but it will work with your look too! Don't you just love it."

"ABSTAIN." Fujin said.

Irvine was the next to open his gift. It was, as Rinoa had suspected, a collection of Girl Next Door magazines, with some tissues and hand lotion.

"That's pretty damn close to what I had in mind actually," Irvine shrugged.

Squall graciously accepted his tactical hilt and began installing it on the Lionheart. Selphie was ecstatic at her collection of Laguna's various books including Laguna Lore: The Stories Behind The Hearthrob, and the one that Rinoa felt the most foolish buying The Man With The Macho Guns.

"These are perfect! I'm gonna read these right now!" Selphie squeeled.

"There's pictures in them too," Rinoa said.

"Looking at those first!"

Quistis opened her gift from Irvine. Under the wrapping paper was a box filled with a variety of sex toys including a prominently displayed ball gag.

"What would make you think I would be into this stuff?" Quistis asked, setting the box behind her.

"You use a whip in combat, come on!" Irvine insisted.

"So when you said 'gag gift'," Squall began.

"Okay last present time!" Irvine rushed. "That just leaves Rinoa."

"Yeah what'd your man get you?" Selphie asked, by now everybody having determined the only pair left incomplete.

Rinoa opened the small box Squall handed her. Inside was a silver ring with the Griever emblem on it.

"I know we lost our rings in the Time-Compressed World. And I know that ring really meant a lot to you, so I had another one made for you," Squall shrugged. "It's silly, I know."

"Damn right it's silly, you must have gone way over the 500 gil limit." Zell said.

"Shut it, Zell," Quistis snapped.

"Squall, this is really perfect," Rinoa said.

She leaned in close to him and gave him a quick kiss. She then put the ring on her finger. It was at least four sizes too big.

"You had this crafted for your finger size, huh?" Rinoa said.

"I didn't know what your ring size was," Squall explained.

There was a brief moment of silence.

"DUMBASS." Fujin said.

=*Christmas In The Garden*=

The day after Christmas, in a Junk Shop in Esthar.

The clerk of the store observed the strange young woman in the eyepatch as she came into his store holding a recently opened box bearing his store's brand name.

"Can I help you miss?" He asked.

"RETURN."


End file.
